My brother recently asked me if I would be interested in writing an entry for the blog page. Immediately I was excited and couldn’t wait to get started- but I froze. What in the world would I write about? Who wants to hear what I have to say? How do I honor my sweet nephew in my everyday living?
These questions stuck with me and at times haunted me for days to come. I pondered and was just blank. Then I began to feel kind of bad about things going on around me. Summer was coming to an end, my kids were headed back to school, I was headed back to a job that I was very unhappy in. Some friends were behaving in ways that friends shouldn’t and I stated to feel kind of glum.
Everywhere I was turning, there seemed to be bad news. A friend of mine from high school lost her battle with cancer and left behind a husband and two adorable young kids. Another friend of ours had a massive stroke while on vacation in Argentina with his family and is fighting for his life. Our “Uncle Pete” passed away this year- a man who was larger than life and one of my all time favorites. My heart felt heavy- it is so easy to focus on the negatives and fall into a depression. I began to feel lucky for what I have but then guilty- how can I help everyone else who is feeling this immense pain?
Then, our trip to Minnesota came. My nephew, Tucker, was turning one- so my family (husband and four kids- Darren, Madison, Cooper, Cullen and Grace) picked up Brendan and Keegan and made the trek to Minnesota. Our parents joined us there as well. We had an amazing time. Spent a day on a boat, went to the Mall of America, played cards, stayed up college- aged late. The kids giggled and made memories they would go back to school to write small moment stories about. It was like the fog had lifted. I felt happy!
The next parts of this story are not fabricated or embellished at all- we pulled out of my brothers driveway after our trip to Minnesota and a friend of mine called. She has thought of me for a great job opportunity in our school district. She wanted to know if I was interested. This friend is someone who has been along for a lot of the journey and a big supporter of Charlie’s Corner- but she called and said she had already sent a message to her principal- that she believes in me and I am a wonderful person for this job and just sang my praises. I could toot my horn all day- but won’t bore you with those details. It is not normal and does not happen often that you have someone so willing to go to the mat for you.
Anyway- Darren and I were feeling super excited about the idea of me having a new job. More income, I would be happier with this new role, get out of the toxic environment I was in, and be doing what I want to be doing. Needless to say, the excitement wore off and the panic sank in. The millions of questions kept me up at night. What if I get the job? What if I don’t get the job? What if leaving my current job is a mistake? What if, what if, what if??? How do I know this is right???
The day of my interview, I was pacing- going to the potty every ten minutes, very upset stomach- and I get an email from my old principal. Interview tips- words of wisdom- a million and ten things to again- lift me up- sing my praises! A few minutes after receiving that email I look out the window and a “Charlie Bird” aka- cardinal- is staring back at me for what felt like forever. Sent shivers down my spine- a sign? Who knows… Eventually the interview rolls around and I arrive 20 minutes early- so inevitably spend a large amount of time sitting in the lobby. Millions of thoughts running through my mind, is this right? What am I doing? How do I know I am making the right choice- no joke it hit me smack in the face. A life size cut out of a cardinal- a “Charlie Bird”. Animated- but a cardinal nonetheless. My eyes start darting around the lobby. There are cardinals all over the place. Even the pillows on the sofa were covered in cardinal fabric. I jump to my feet and begin exploring the room. There are pictures on the walls of students who have won the red bird award- a school achievement for displaying school PRIDE (perseverance, respect and responsibility, integrity, decision making and excellence). I couldn’t believe it, there were signs everywhere! I do not believe this to be a coincidence. I believe Charlie was giving me the courage to make the change, to take the risk, to believe in myself.
Again, bringing my community of friends and peers close to me to let me know that I am loved and I am deserving.
I am sure everyone is so super curious- but I did get the job and I have accepted.
Sometimes life can really get you down, and some days just plain suck. There are so many people out there just like you- feeling the same way, going through struggles and needing someone to be their cheerleader. How lucky am I that I have so many great people believing in me- when I struggle to believe in myself. I have a wonderful family and friends that are always so supportive.
Brendan says this time and time again- but really, don’t wait. If a relationship is important to you, work on it, pick up the phone. Believe in someone- let them know you care. Stand up for what you believe is right. Be a friend to your friend. Always be the rainbow in someone’s cloud.
I will leave you with a quote that has traveled this journey with me- and thanks to Sarah I carry with me every day. “Sometimes the smallest things take up the most room in your heart”- Winnie the Pooh.
One small act of kindness changed my path.
One small red bird made me a believer.
Without sounding too much like a hippy- go out and be that rainbow!